“Fresh Start” by Myra Alibrando
Listen to 90 seconds why you can have a different opinion than an expert.
With the exception of disagreeable egotists, it takes courage to think independently.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 ESV
Genuine Thinking
I cannot overstress the importance of independent thinking and that is why I quoted the scripture above. Clearly, the verse is not about independence from God. If you look around, you will see if you flow with the world, you will be independent of God.
Group Loyalty
Like you, I want to belong somewhere with like-minded people. However, I have discovered in every group that there is a type of group loyalty that may not be good for you. This is true in religion, science, education, medical, politics, and friendly peer groups.
Back in the 1970’s “non-conformity” was our youthful trend. One day I looked across my college campus in New Jersey and noticed that almost everyone wore jeans and a flannel shirt, just like me. It looked like a school uniform. It began to occur to me that to be a “non-conformist” we had to conform to the same mindset and even fashion. If you didn’t conform, you were not allowed to be a non-conformist. You see the comedy here?
We Are the Right Group
Independent thinking is only applauded by a group if you are abandoning some other group to join theirs. But after you join the new group, it soon becomes obvious that independent ideas contrary to the group values is frowned upon. In many groups, you will not only be criticized but may be unwelcome. This is not 100% true but common to be considered disloyal or called “compromising” or even a traitor.
Annoying Honesty
This brings us to the ever-important personal quest for truth. Non-thinkers don’t pursue evidence but a group to join. I have been both; a joiner and an independent thinker. A quest for evidence (truth) is ongoing and frankly, can be annoying to even nice people. I get it. But if you persist, expect to be ostracized, discredited and possibly condemned by your peers. That is sad, isn’t it? There are lovely people who you will not be permitted to disagree with, and they are sincere.
Honest, Caring, Learning Group
But I have some good news, your courage and quest will find like-minded folks. There are groups where you will feel more comfortable. But make no mistake you will never find a group you agree with entirely, if you do, you are a confused person. In my life, it is the inner circle of close friends with whom I can be completely transparent without risking relationship. In fact, you won’t ever know a person well with whom you agree 100%. This includes husbands and wives. A good marriage is based on love, not forced agreement. The same goes for a good group, church, club, denomination, or organization.
Love is the Journey
Our Christian goal is love, not conformity. My life journey has involved many changes in perspective and values, some small, some huge. An honest person cannot expect to agree with himself as he continually discovers new insights.
Don’t Overestimate Your Knowledge
You can, and must be loving in your life quest of understanding wisdom and truth, but never seek 100% conformity from others to your ideas. Your ideas will keep changing IF you keep growing. When you stop learning, you start dying.
Be Sherlock
I strongly encourage you to be a Sherlock Holmes investigating your honest questions until you are completely satisfied with answers you hear, discover, or deduce. You will eventually understand that you love your journey of being a discoverer and you will feel less threatened by your unanswered questions, but you have the wonderful liberty of not fearing the truth.
Where the Evidence Leads
There is a huge difference between following where the evidence leads versus gathering evidence to support your belief. Totally different. Night and day.
Guess what? Jesus does not object. He said
“… you will know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” John 8:32
Loyalty to What?
You may have to remove your “team jersey” if your peers are upset that you are not satisfied with the answers that works for them. I am not encouraging disloyalty to your group, but the importance of loyalty to honesty. In fact, loyalty to honesty is loyalty to sincerity, truth, and humility. These are qualities you should inspire in your group. Different perspectives is stimulating among good friends.
Honesty Is Not Disloyalty
Remember back in school the encouragement “There are no dumb questions”? If your questions to anyone or any group triggers offense or questioning your loyalty, that’s a red flag. Often, even after you get your answer, but you still don’t get it or don’t agree, that’s honesty. However, if at this point your loyalty is questioned … or your faith … or your character, well again, a red flag.
Some questions took decades to get real answers, others only minutes or weeks. That’s life.
Even If You’re Right, Can You Show Me, Please?
Of course, we agree these experts and institutions are far smarter than us. BUT sometimes I prefer seeing the evidence more than being told I should accept the evidence exists.
If you prefer seeing proof more than being told to accept the conclusion, you have an intelligent quality. It is not a flaw. If you prefer a satisfactory explanation more than a grand explanation that really DOES NOT LOOK like evidence to you, congratulations. You are thinking. You are honest.
Choose Your Own Personality
Pressure is not an answer. Threats are not answers, even though they can be very compelling. I have compassion on anyone not wanting to lose popularity with their group, or risking credibility or friendship. You still have to choose which lifestyle you want: honesty or acceptance?
Those Teaching Truth, Like Listeners to Pursue Truth
The Bible never condemned anyone for believing the apostles preaching, but Luke did praise a certain community for not believing Paul until they saw for themselves if what he was saying was in the scripture. It is commended practice.
Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true. Acts 17:11
For me, the ongoing challenge is drawing the line between transparency and diplomacy.
Share When Appropriate
You do not have to advertise your differences and initiate arguments with others, usually this is neither wise, loving, or Biblical.
There are many things I believe contrary to mainline church theology but not worth arguing about. There are some important items worth challenging without invitation if I feel I have a platform.
Love Really Is the Truth
I feel theology without the practice of love, is bad theology. I engage on this issue frequently. I feel somewhat called to discuss the truth of origins after decades of research and writing on this and the overwhelming, worldwide assumption that evolution is science and creation is religious blind faith. But again, NOTHING is as important as love.
So always love while seeking wisdom and being transformed on this wonderful journey as forgiven, adopted child of God.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind . . .”
Dear Sam,
I completely agree with your message about the importance of independent thinking and not conforming to the ideals of a particular group. It takes courage to have your own opinions and seek out the truth, even if it means going against the beliefs of those around you.
In my life, I strive to be honest and seek wisdom while also practicing love and humility. I have found that being true to myself and my beliefs, even if they differ from others, is essential for personal growth and fulfillment. I believe that love is the ultimate truth and should guide all of our actions and decisions.
Thank you for sharing your insightful thoughts in your article. It has been a true inspiration to me. 😊🙏