More than Enough
Wanting Less
“Petals in the Wind” watercolor by Myra Alibrando
So Much Still To Do
I have 12 projects I would love to finish but at age 71, God has been encouraging me to “be small”. I honestly can't see how I could finish these things but it has been deeply frustrating to me, which I know, sounds silly.
Sorry David, Not You
David did not feel threatened when he was told he would not be the one to build the temple. Solomon, however, accomplished so much more than his father, David, ever could. Solomon wrote a thousand songs, he built beautiful buildings, he had fantastic international relations, he was wealthy beyond imagination and did things Israel had never done before or since.
But Israel was a small, weak nation when David rose from shepherd boy to giant-killer, from general to criminal fugitive, from vindicated King with sins from adultery to murder. David’s life was no happily-ever-after fairy tale. One son raped his half sister, another son vengefully killed that rapist. One of David’s generals murdered another general. Absalom, his son, lead a multitude to overthrow David while David still loved him. In his old age, he had to intervene again to prevent another son from assuming kingship away from David’s choice, Solomon.
David was betrayed by many as we see in the Psalms. So many wanted David dead or ruined. Despite all of this, God called David " a man after my own heart ".
Solomon, Big Head Start
Should David be frustrated that he could not live another hundred years to build the temple and enjoy what all his victories provided for Solomon?
Because of his father's work, Solomon was not surrounded by enemies but born a prince, handed kingship, and then given more wealth and wisdom from God than any man in history. Solomon was able to do amazing and phenomenal accomplishments.
I am not a king, I am not a prince, I am not a rich man, I am not famous. I will never kill a giant or be valiant like David. I will never have a staff of thousands, like Solomon, but still I aspire to do more than I’ve done by age 71.
Starting Late
I was a dysfunctional child who laughed a lot. I was an unhappy young man who joked a lot. Even as a new Christian, I was a fickle, immature, and selfish. My wrong theology did not stop my self-righteousness. Looking back, it seems I was almost always lost.
Eventually, I wanted God to know I loved Him back. Even with my deep resolve, it was difficult for someone as shallow as me to become unselfish. My only similarity to David was my life had many kinds of battles and scandals, but glory be to God, God defeated all the enemies of my life and soul.
Decades later, the world is crazier and immorality is celebrated. Evolution has made saying “There is no God”, respectable. Yet somehow, my life is now the most peaceful, the most joyful, the most rewarding it has ever been.
Be Small, Be Happy
While I fret about the many projects I deeply desire to accomplish, God encourages me to “be small”, meaning take less burden upon myself for not having time to do self-imposed goals.
God invites me to embrace the abundance of blessings that surround me and fill me. Why waste it all with anxiety from a crazy world or a to-do list that I can't finish?
My history includes divorce. Remarried at 32, then after 23 years, a widower. I am again remarried, loved, and respected everyday since 2010 (the artist, Myra).
There is no cause for disappointment because God has saved me from emotional instability, from what I once perceived as would become mental illness, from my poverty and debt, from feeling unimportant and often unloved. I believe some family curses have been intercepted from ever touching my children. God has transferred me from what I was to something rather wonderful.
My income is humble but steady. My bills are paid and I have provided for a few people. I've also been able to help others a little. I have been able to fly back and forth across the world multiple times (which doesn't sound like a poor person).
I am an author, musician, and composer. I have enjoyed decades of playing music, public and professional. For each hour in public, probably 200 hours in private, but much of it worship. Worship, like gratitude, changes a man.
Like a movie or good book, it is the ending that matters most. So wonderful are God's blessings, that he himself has encouraged me to not fret about what I cannot accomplish. Embrace blessings and be willing to “be small”.
The Journey Brightens
From a younger place of confusion and complaint to this latest decade of gratitude and clarity I never thought possible. So many answered questions. but I am also at peace with unanswered questions, more confident in God’s great wisdom.
I understand the capability of joy lies in my own power of perception. I perpetually enjoy nature and God's wonders. I realize how fantastic it is. When this world is the darkest and most deceiving I have ever seen, it is a marvel that I am simultaneously the happiest I have ever been.
I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies. Psalm 18:3